fifteen months ago, i took pieces of construction paper, bright red, soft pink, and scattered them across a dining room table. pencil in hand, i traced little hearts and cut each one out, nearly fifty of them in all. and as i said my goodbyes during that last week in liberia, i’d slip a tiny paper heart into each girl’s hand. she would look at me with tears in her eyes, and i’d pull her … Read the rest
i’ve always known that i’m deeply relational. i crave connection, opening up our hearts and baring our souls, and typically, that happens for me around the table. there’s something about sharing a meal with others that binds you together. the table somehow becomes holy ground, and it’s all i can do to not gulp deep of that sacred air and take off my sandals and bend myself low. people talk at the table, not … Read the rest
i’m usually one who has no problem wearing her heart on her sleeve.
i feel things deeply, always have and probably always will. things of substance and soul tend to captivate me, and if there’s one thing i’ve learned over the years, it’s that these hearts of ours are fickle little creatures, messy and beautiful and glorious and wild.
i can remember a prayer that i prayed once, on a sunny afternoon on my porch … Read the rest
in the nine months i’ve been out of liberia, i’ve spoken countless times of the deep ache that comes with saying goodbye. there are moments when i miss liberia and her children so strongly it takes my breath away, where the loss and all the emotions that come with it feel as real and true as the hot blood running through my veins.
i miss liberia. a lot. i miss my kids. a lot. my … Read the rest
can i just be brutally, completely, in-your-face honest with you for a minute? this whole being a missionary thing is no joke. it is hard, you guys. really hard. and there are some days where i would rather be anywhere but here, doing anything but this. some days, i feel so totally, completely done. depleted. empty.
i’m having one of those days. only this day has gone on for the past three weeks. i’ve … Read the rest
this week has been tough for me. my heart is tender and tired, and i have to fight the tears back multiple times a day. i’ve been meeting with the girls in my small groups, the same girls i have loved + taught + mentored + laughed + cried with for the past four years. i’ve watched some of them grow into young women, others from little girls to teens. i’ve prayed for them, listened … Read the rest
i tend to crave what i don’t have, hoping to somehow soothe this deeper ache within me.
Lord, reveal to me my heart. more than that, show me what it really needs. … Read the rest
(Also titled “The Heart: Part Two”. I told you there’d be more to come on this subject!)
Our hearts are the purest indicator of who we truly are. What we believe about our own hearts reveals to us what we really believe about ourselves. For so long, I lived in self-hatred and believed that there could be nothing good in me. My eyes have been opened to lie, and there is one thing that I … Read the rest
- our hearts are the very essence of who we are.
- thus, what i believe about my heart shows me what i believe about myself.
- certain theologies have taught me that my heart is wicked. unpredictable. dangerous. untrustworthy.
- this is not what Jesus has taught me.
- Christ died for me—and “me” includes my heart. He has conquered all evil, and has given me a new life. for me to believe that my heart is ugly and
yup. my heart’s still in Liberia.
#truestory … Read the rest